Only little once!

I never let my kids take a day off school, a few weeks ago we spent most of the night in the ER for a head injury, that post soon to come, and I mentioned to Charly she may miss part of the day and Thomas agreed, actually said I should probably just keep her home all day. So the next day he took the car and Charly didn't go at 8, but she was at school by 11, and Thomas had a hardy laugh, He just couldn't understand why I didn't let her have the day off, but Charly and I both agreed she had already been bored and cried a few time before 11 came around, we both need school that day. I am using that as an example because I just never let them miss school......fast forward to this morning Charly walked in and told us how she should probably miss school because she lost her voice, and I agreed, Thomas was in shock!
Regardless of a "sick" child I needed to grocery shop because we had close to zero food in the house, as we were walking in and the kids were all running together, Easton trying to keep up and stay in between the other two kids, I thought I love having all my kids with me running errands,  even grocery shopping......and then we walked in. I tried  to not lose my cool a few times when 3 kids ran into people, or touched the aisle full of salsa jars. And i tried to remind myself it's OK, they are kids, and so many people commented on how cute they were, and there were a few grumbles. And we forgot hot dogs because Nixon all of a sudden needed a restroom so we had to run to the other side of the store. And they all need their own dusters because they are blue feathery dusters and could help me clean when we got home........and wow I am so blest!
I forget sometimes, I wanted this, I wanted kids running everywhere, a messy house, and a heart so full of love. I knew a long time ago I loved kids, and as a kid I thought I could never love my kids as much as I love my siblings, but then I had kids and it was a different kind of love. My siblings have a special place in my heart especially Alex because he was our first kid, a teenager but wow an amazing experience.  I knew as a teenager that I wanted to provide a life for my children that I did not have, and sometimes it is "material things" but mostly other things. Not for a lack of trying from my family but because of our circumstances and my emotional situation I didn't always feel loved, needed, appreciated, or of value. And some of that was my own doing, but I want my kids to know I love them and appreciate them.
Aside from this I just want to appreciate the time in my life that I am in, a time where I have young kids, babies, I will never have that again, they will grow and be adults one day, and oh how that breaks my heart. Last night Easton said " hulk smash" a few times and we kept getting him to say it, he says so much and he is growing up. I pick him him up and love him and realise he is not a baby anymore, he is my baby, they all are but they are growing so fast. A mom in my mom's group, Taylor, posted a picture of her baby and a little quote about one day you will put them down and never pick them up.....oh how that made me sick, when will be the last time I pick up charly? She is getting big and the time is coming, she is almost my size, and yeah you can have more kids but they are all different you can't replace the last baby, my heart will break for each of my kids when I can no longer carry them and cuddle them.
This weekend is timeout for women and I was not planning on attending because when my family bought tickets I had just got called to serve with the Young Women of our church and the cultural celebration for the Temple is next week and I was not sure what or if I would be needed during this time so I did not buy a ticket, and then my Sister-in-law Zoe said she had an extra ticket if anyone wanted to go, so I jumped at the opportunity. I remember the first time I went Hilary Weeks was there and she said something along the lines of we have all eternity to spend with our kids (amazing right, eternal families?) but for this one speck of eternity we have them as children, babies, teenagers even, and then they are adults and in heaven they will be adults, so this is our opportunity, our once in a lifetime opportunity to know them as littles, Am I taking advantage of knowing these amazing spirits that they have now? They are going to change so much, I want to know there hearts now!

Time out for Women 3 years ago was when I decided I wanted another baby. After Nixon I thought I might be done, and Thomas supported that, although we always talked about 4 kids in the future, Nothing sticks out in my head that was said at that event, I thought it was fun, but nothing life altering, but I just had this feeling like we were ready for another baby, my brain could not work it out and so for a few months it was just a discussion, that yeah we will have another baby, while before it was well maybe one day IF we decided to have another baby.....

 I knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I was younger, actually I should say I knew that being a stay at home mom is what was right for a family, and after we had our first child I knew I had zero desire to that, it just didn't feel right, and at the time financially I needed to have a job, we had 2 kids (Alex & Charly) and Thomas and his Dad were only in their 2 year as a business, so there wasn't much discussion. I quit my job when Charly was a few months old and we moved, and I struggled, being home with my baby was hard, and financially we were struggling so I went back to work and I loved it. I was good at working, not as good at house cleaning. Then we had Nixon and we went back and forth with full time/part time, and I suddenly realized I was missing out, I started to have that desire to be home. And by the time we were pregnant with Easton I just wanted it so bad, and so we found out we were pregnant and decided I would quit my job, because reality was childcare was about the same as I would make working. I sometimes feel bad that we did it that way but then I think we all have a different path, I am stubborn a lot of times and I feel like the Lord knew he had to teach me something.  Even on my craziest days I have no desire to go back to work, and when I was working part time, or when I was full time home with Charly on bad days I wished I was working, I NEVER feel like that now.