Only little once!

I never let my kids take a day off school, a few weeks ago we spent most of the night in the ER for a head injury, that post soon to come, and I mentioned to Charly she may miss part of the day and Thomas agreed, actually said I should probably just keep her home all day. So the next day he took the car and Charly didn't go at 8, but she was at school by 11, and Thomas had a hardy laugh, He just couldn't understand why I didn't let her have the day off, but Charly and I both agreed she had already been bored and cried a few time before 11 came around, we both need school that day. I am using that as an example because I just never let them miss school......fast forward to this morning Charly walked in and told us how she should probably miss school because she lost her voice, and I agreed, Thomas was in shock!
Regardless of a "sick" child I needed to grocery shop because we had close to zero food in the house, as we were walking in and the kids were all running together, Easton trying to keep up and stay in between the other two kids, I thought I love having all my kids with me running errands,  even grocery shopping......and then we walked in. I tried  to not lose my cool a few times when 3 kids ran into people, or touched the aisle full of salsa jars. And i tried to remind myself it's OK, they are kids, and so many people commented on how cute they were, and there were a few grumbles. And we forgot hot dogs because Nixon all of a sudden needed a restroom so we had to run to the other side of the store. And they all need their own dusters because they are blue feathery dusters and could help me clean when we got home........and wow I am so blest!
I forget sometimes, I wanted this, I wanted kids running everywhere, a messy house, and a heart so full of love. I knew a long time ago I loved kids, and as a kid I thought I could never love my kids as much as I love my siblings, but then I had kids and it was a different kind of love. My siblings have a special place in my heart especially Alex because he was our first kid, a teenager but wow an amazing experience.  I knew as a teenager that I wanted to provide a life for my children that I did not have, and sometimes it is "material things" but mostly other things. Not for a lack of trying from my family but because of our circumstances and my emotional situation I didn't always feel loved, needed, appreciated, or of value. And some of that was my own doing, but I want my kids to know I love them and appreciate them.
Aside from this I just want to appreciate the time in my life that I am in, a time where I have young kids, babies, I will never have that again, they will grow and be adults one day, and oh how that breaks my heart. Last night Easton said " hulk smash" a few times and we kept getting him to say it, he says so much and he is growing up. I pick him him up and love him and realise he is not a baby anymore, he is my baby, they all are but they are growing so fast. A mom in my mom's group, Taylor, posted a picture of her baby and a little quote about one day you will put them down and never pick them up.....oh how that made me sick, when will be the last time I pick up charly? She is getting big and the time is coming, she is almost my size, and yeah you can have more kids but they are all different you can't replace the last baby, my heart will break for each of my kids when I can no longer carry them and cuddle them.
This weekend is timeout for women and I was not planning on attending because when my family bought tickets I had just got called to serve with the Young Women of our church and the cultural celebration for the Temple is next week and I was not sure what or if I would be needed during this time so I did not buy a ticket, and then my Sister-in-law Zoe said she had an extra ticket if anyone wanted to go, so I jumped at the opportunity. I remember the first time I went Hilary Weeks was there and she said something along the lines of we have all eternity to spend with our kids (amazing right, eternal families?) but for this one speck of eternity we have them as children, babies, teenagers even, and then they are adults and in heaven they will be adults, so this is our opportunity, our once in a lifetime opportunity to know them as littles, Am I taking advantage of knowing these amazing spirits that they have now? They are going to change so much, I want to know there hearts now!

Time out for Women 3 years ago was when I decided I wanted another baby. After Nixon I thought I might be done, and Thomas supported that, although we always talked about 4 kids in the future, Nothing sticks out in my head that was said at that event, I thought it was fun, but nothing life altering, but I just had this feeling like we were ready for another baby, my brain could not work it out and so for a few months it was just a discussion, that yeah we will have another baby, while before it was well maybe one day IF we decided to have another baby.....

 I knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mom when I was younger, actually I should say I knew that being a stay at home mom is what was right for a family, and after we had our first child I knew I had zero desire to that, it just didn't feel right, and at the time financially I needed to have a job, we had 2 kids (Alex & Charly) and Thomas and his Dad were only in their 2 year as a business, so there wasn't much discussion. I quit my job when Charly was a few months old and we moved, and I struggled, being home with my baby was hard, and financially we were struggling so I went back to work and I loved it. I was good at working, not as good at house cleaning. Then we had Nixon and we went back and forth with full time/part time, and I suddenly realized I was missing out, I started to have that desire to be home. And by the time we were pregnant with Easton I just wanted it so bad, and so we found out we were pregnant and decided I would quit my job, because reality was childcare was about the same as I would make working. I sometimes feel bad that we did it that way but then I think we all have a different path, I am stubborn a lot of times and I feel like the Lord knew he had to teach me something.  Even on my craziest days I have no desire to go back to work, and when I was working part time, or when I was full time home with Charly on bad days I wished I was working, I NEVER feel like that now.

May 2014

So many fun things have happened over the summer!
In May Charly and Thomas went on a daddy-daughter date to School House rocks, followed by a trip to Bass Pro Shop( Charly's idea according to Thomas), and a stop at Tempe town lake!

Then it was Rachel's birthday party at Skateland so since they were on the east side they hung around to go to the party. Charly had never been skating but really enjoyed it, They had to rent a walker for her.....I had never seen this! Needless to say they had a great day!

In the middle of the month we traveled to Utah! We had been planning the trip for a while and were very excited to see family. The Michael Stucki family moved to Utah last fall, they had visited Arizona once during this time but we didn't get to see Michael, so Thomas was super excited to see his brother. On a side note, I love that Thomas loves his family, he isn't very vocal about a lot of things, but he really loved his family, and that is so awesome! Any way, we were also planning a trip because Alex and Emily were moving from Washington to Tennessee. Alex has been stationed in Kentucky but its super close so they actually like on the Tenn. side. So we drove to Utah(that was a a bummer), but we were able to stay with the Stucki family! We got to hang out with Emily and Alex, during the day we just hung out at the Stucki home, and later in the evening once Michael got off work we went to Boondocks. We bowled, and rode bumper style cars, to race. There was once ride where it looks like an inter tube but motorized, Charly and Paityn could drive themselves, but Charly wanted to ride with someone, and the larger person had to drive so Emily drove her tube, and Paityn drove her own tube, It squirted water out of  front,, at other tubes. It was super funny before the game started Michael was yelling for the ladythat his wasn't squirting, to which she informed him that it wouldn't until she pushed the button and she just made that announcement. Then Alex's squirter quit squirting and got stuck so got hammered with water and was getting annoyed. Paityn was doing OK most the time but occasionally she would wander off from the group or quip in circles, which was comical. At the end you have to drive yourself back to the edge and get hooked up but Paityn wasn't quite sure how to do that, so the people in charge kept saying come to the edge, come to the edge. IT was funny. After that we went inside and played in the kids area and video games. The adults went to laser tag minus myself, I stayed with the littles. Poor Briley had an accident at the top of the jungle gym and would not come down so I had to climb to the top and get her, its always funny when adults have to go up there because the areas are so small its awkward.So I got Briley down and we went to the restroom, which Hunter was positive he needed to go in the mens restroom but after some coercing he agreed to go with the rest of us. We used the restroom and decided to get a drink while we waited for the rest of the people. Which was only a few minutes later. It was really fun experience to be with family and just have fun together!

May was eventful for Charly Anne, she also graduated kindergarten! In the weeks leading up to it they practices their program she was very excited about playing a cheerleader part in the program! It was a very cute program and exciting to see her get to perform and get her diploma.

America

I have to start by saying I have a soft spot in my heart for America, when the Pledge of Allegiance is said, the anthem is sung, voting time comes around, it all bring a tear to my eye. As I watch the new at the gym, I sometimes have to fight back the tears, or the small groan from the bottom of my throat, as I hear national news. I love this amazing country we live in, I hope that we start standing up for it, we are the greatest country in the world, and I know people think that's rude that we say that, or they think America thinks we are better than others, and that its inappropriate to say, it's not! I tell my kids daily they are the best kids in the world, I want them to believe that for themselves. To try to achieve all that they are able to, and I don't think that diminishes the values of their friends. Just the same I don't think saying America is the greatest country in the world diminished the value of other countries.

On that note I do believe being born in this Country is a blessing, I have so many things that I could say were not blessings in my life, being raised in a home with a father who sold and used drugs, a mother who had to support her family on a waitress income, a father who abused his family, my experiences being sexually abused, the loss of my mother to murder, my father to confinement and later death, moving in with family that were alcoholics and abusive, being disowned for a while because of my choice to stand against that, BUT I don't dwell on those things. I KNOW that I am blest to be born in the Greatest Country in the world, The United States of America. That coming from a crazy childhood I could change my life, that I didn't have to remain in that lifestyle. This country gives us that opportunity,  I am grateful for those who have served and lost their lives for us, and those families that sacrifice so that we have service men and women serving now. To not have pride in this country diminishes their service, and their lives.

If you don't love America it's OK, but it does hurt my feelings a little when people go on and on about how much better other countries are than the USA, I feel like if it's so great move there, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Look for the good life, we are so blest and sometimes overlook the amazing lives we have, and how many people in other countries would love the opportunity to live our lives!

I have to say that I started this post a few months ago and am not sure what my thought process was at the time but this is something that I was thinking about just last night, so it worked out.

August 12, 2014

Life moves so fast, and I forget to write it down. I always think I'll remember the awesome things my kids say and do, the special time Thomas and I have, and I realize that is not true. I always re-devote myself to blogging as my way of journaling, and then I do not do it! So I am not re-devoting myself I am simply going to write and if I don't finish a thought I will post and maybe continue later, or maybe not and years down the road I will try to figure out what the heck I was talk about.....I do that when I read old journal from my childhood

So much I want to write, my mom's birthday is today ( I miss her so much), the Phoenix Temple is being dedicated soon, we moved! Charly started 1st grade, Nixon is potty trained(most days), Easton is such a booger! Thomas is getting old.....wait so am I!

Michelle Candelaria, she was born August 12, 1965 in Globe Arizona to Mike and Gayle Candelaria, their first born together......and as a mother now, I cannot imagine the loss it must be to lose your daughter. My mom died 20 years ago, and as I hit the age of 29, the age she died, I thought to myself I am so young! I have so much left to do with my life, SHE had so much to do with her life, and its tragic. She would be 49 today, and that to me seems old, but I know at 49 I will feel the same I did at 29! I have a strong testimony that we will be together again, but as I look at my children it makes me feel so sad, I would hate to miss their lives, their first everything. And then I think what they would feel like and that kills me, they would be confused, scared, lost, and then I think we were all those things. I think of my mom a lot now that I am older with my own family, as a child I tried to forget, forget that I no longer had a mom or dad, forget that my life was different. Now I think of her when I have a baby, when my kids have a birthday party, at every holiday, on her birthday, and on the anniversary of her death. I am happy that she is happy now, and can no longer suffer pain or heartache.

The Phoenix Temple open house/dedication was announced today. I am so excited, excited to get to invite local friends to tour the Temple, excited to live close to a Temple. Since moving to the valley we have lived closer but have not gone to the Temple in a long time, but now there is no reason not to go! Excited to have an amazing friend who is getting ready to go through the Temple for the first time, and later be sealed to her husband and 2 boys, and what a strength that is to me. What an amazing example she is to me, I am so excited for her, and cannot wait to go to the Temple with her. Since the Temple is in our area we had an opportunity to sign up to help at the open house, they needed ushers, tour guides, parking attendants, and people to help with the booties. Thomas and I signed up for a few things mostly because we just want to be there, whatever they need we want to do it!

Charly started school on Wednesday, her teacher is Mrs. Encarnacion.  Charly has been very excited to get to stay at school all day, as I am writing this it's Tuesday and she likes school, but she did not want to get out of bed this morning. That may have been because she was so tired last night but could not sleep so she talked to Thomas for about 20 minutes straight, about why she could not sleep. And I am reminded this is my daughter! She is amazing, smart, talk her way out of a box, and in for a tough few years. We love her though.

Time for bed, we shall talk later!